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Welcome

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Make yourself at home. Put your feet up. Grab your favorite beverage and prepare to enjoy the reads.
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Sunday

Ever feel like giving up?

I Love Living Life. I Am Happy.
Nick Vujicic





Something to think about, to cry about, to laugh.....
Play it again, and again, if need be.

Friday

Photo Friday - Something Spiritually Inspiring





Photo taken at Capitola, California the day after a big storm when the sun was going down. The hilly area off in the distance is the Monterey Peninsula, which, due to the weather, appears to be much closer than it is. Though I am not the woman in the picture, (since I was the photographer) I look at this picture and see me. I see the longing I once had during a very dark time in my life.

See how she has her arms wrapped to her body. Longing. She's not entirely hopeless quite yet. She's still standing. Some others nearby do not seem to be even aware of her, or the incredible vision just over their shoulders. I look at the surfers as those who have jumped right into the waters of life, and are living it fully.

Just a little while ago it was raining, the daytime sky was dark, like her. The rain stopped and there was but a hope of sunlight, that is when she walked out there onto the rocks. This picture is the moment when the world rejoices in the return of the sun. She just stands there longing and hurting and suddenly, there it is, the clouds parting enough and color seeping into her heart. I like to think it is this moment captured when the inspiration enters in the next breath and the spirit is blessed. Something primeval comes alive in me at times like this, and water always has a lot to do with it.

"Watch the waves, and the more you watch, the more you will able to see the beauty of them. The more you watch, the more the subtle nuances of thought will become clear to you. And it is beautiful - but you remain the witness. You remain on the beach, You sit on the beach, or lie down in the sun, and just let the ocean do it's own work - you don't interfere.


If you don't interfere, by and by, by and by, the ocean doesn't affect you. It goes on roaring all around, but it doesn't penetrate you. It is beautiful in and of itself, but it is separate, a distance exists. That distance is real meditation, a real silence. "


From: Discourses on Tilopa's Song of Mahamudra

Thursday

Water Heater

Did you know that heating water accounts for up to 20% of your household energy costs? 

If you have a natural gas water heater then you should drain a pail of water from the hot water tank every three months or as recommended by the manufacturer. 

This will remove sediment that reduces heat transfer and lowers efficiency.


Info quoted from
Blog on Smog

Sunday

The Google Search Writing Trigger Technique

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When writer's block hits me, this is a method I've developed to free me from the shackles.

Using one word is a well known technique for triggering writing, even if it only squeezes a single sentence from our brains. But, that is not the only part of my scheme. So hang with me, here, as we still need that one word to begin the process.

Pick a word any word.

Can't think of one?

Grab the nearest printed object. Mine says Ipod. Okay, so I grab the word, pod, and write about it.  "the pea pod was like velvet in my hand, the peas, like the food of the gods, blessed my mouth with flavor".

Yes, it's corny. But, let's not judge. Whatever you come up with will work. A stream of conciousness will suffice. (pod... dod... god... blessed.. food...). It's a trigger, not to be taken too seriously. Anything to stimulate creativity when we're wanting to unleash ourselves from our greatest enemy is a gift.

Now, take the full amount created and put it in Google search. The above one word trigger sentence brought forth a lot about peas in the google search, a lot about food. But, let's say you want something more creative to help you get moving. Something, unrelated to cooking or growing peas. In fact, let's delete the peas and anything that might bring up a food reference out of our search. Might as well get rid of the extraneous adjectives, and get a cleaner search.

pod velvet hand gods blessed mouth


Let's see what happens...



Ah ha! Look at that. Pod still wins out with food references. We can go with this or narrow down further. Even though pod was our trigger word, let's throw out the pod.

There it is! Many new trigger words to get your fingers jumping over the keyboard. Not just one.

Now, here is the important thing, and I mean important! No matter how interesting the response looks, DO NOT GO THERE! You will end up spending the next hour perusing the site and all the fascinating new information. After all, a writer is a word junky. Words call us home to luxuriate in their warm embrace. DON'T GO THERE! This is an exercise in self control. No, this is an exercise in creativity. Yes, both.

Here's what you do next. Looking at the Google responses you will see jumbled parts of sentences containing your words. This combination of phrases is enough to trigger some writing. One of my Google responses is from the site: Book of Riddles - Strolen's Citadel: A Role Playing Community

"A golden bird did in its mouth abide The serpent drank the water, ... Jewel on black velvet, pearl in the sea Unchanged but e'erchanging, eternally. .... For our ambrosia we were blessed, by Jupiter, with a sting of death. ..... A sieve/collander (Sphere of Annihilation) Though desert men once called me God, ..."

This is not an exercise in plagiarism, so it's not a good idea to turn this into a little poem. It looks like it already is part of one. If there is one turn of phrase that really stands out for you, write it down, and go from there:

Here's my example:

The serpent drank the water as the dew formed. I was more fascinated by the drops of moisture than I was of his tiny eyes staring fire into the dawn.

I don't care for serpents and I would find myself avoiding the visual stimulation to go further with this, so if I change serpent into butterfly... maybe. But, the researcher in me will want to verify if butterflies actually drink dew at dawn, unless I'm going to give myself poetic liscence, and go with the flow.

Another method is to make a list of all the significant words so that you will have something more substantial to keep you going. Perhaps create a whole piece with those words.

golden
bird
mouth
serpent
drank
water
Jewel
black
velvet
pearl
sea
Unchanged
eternally
ambrosia
blessed
Jupiter
sting
death
sieve/collander
Sphere
Annihilation
desert
men
God


I am so tempted to go into that website and discover how all those enticing phrases are related! What wonderful words these are!

We could easily spend an hour or two perusing a dictionary to delight in all the nuances of these words. Couldn't we? If you have time and no deadline to meet, enjoy yourself. See ya later. Come back when you're ready to play some more. But, If you are still in the "let's see where else this will take us" mode, stay here.

If you are still not feeling particularly creative, the simplest thing would be to make one sentence each with one of the words in it. In the past, I would have done this on small cards and put them away until later to use as triggers. But, now we can simply keep them in a document, we call, triggers list, or simply, sentence list.

Here are some examples of sentences I might create if I am totally in left brain mode:

Her hair had the sheen of a newborn black colt

The hillsides looked like velvet.

He liked the feel of the pearl handled gun.

The sea was alive with fury that day.




Later on, we can go back to these sentences and ask the who, what, where, why's, etc. and maybe a novel will be born.

If you want to go a next step further, take all the words and make a poem or story.

I won't share mine right now. I think I've got 50,000 words on the way!

Saturday

Negative Positive Polarity

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Negative

I dislike that word immensely when it is used to suggest that it is not acceptable. We do more harm to ourselves by putting that connotation upon our thoughts and actions.

Sickness, struggles and dying are a natural part of life. If we call that negative, then we are negating ourselves  and all of humanity for experiencing them.

It is okay to say that cancer sucks.

It's okay to say the pain (physical as well as mental) is unbearable.

It's okay to say, "I'm afraid".

It's okay to say, it is time to call hospice.

It's okay to say the truth of what you are feeling without any shame, remorse or guilt. When other people judge us as being too negative about our cancer experience because we aren't fighting hard enough, or succeeding in being healed, they don't know what they're talking about, even if they are our nearest and dearest beloved one.

The worst thing anyone ever said to me during the times when I was barely hanging on, was "If only you believe it, you will be healed!" Not only was it unkind, but damaging.

It made me question whether I had a right to survive, because maybe, I was not trying hard enough, not doing it right, not keeping myself positive, not praying hard enough.

When I see people I care about struggle with these concepts I cringe. Dealing with the diagnosis, and bearing the treatments is enough for us to experience the totally of our humanity.


When we are in the pit of despair, it is okay to say it out loud. "I am in the pit of despair."

"I don't know what else to do."

"I'm not giving up. I'm just facing reality."

Keeping the "negative" feelings stifled is like a cancer in itself.

Shedding myself of these beliefs gave me the right to live whatever life I was to have in freedom. I was released from worrying about other people's judgment on how I was coping with my cancer, and relieved of the guilt I felt that somehow I deserved the cancer, that somehow I wasn't doing things right. That I was wrong to my core.

Once I accepted it's okay for me to voice my personal feelings, first to myself, then to others, whether they agreed or not, that heavy cloud of self-doubt disappeared. Accepting my real feelings, understanding them as a natural part of life, just like falling in love and giving birth, the sun shining and rain falling from the sky is what helped me to cast off the concept of judging myself for what I was experiencing.

I have had four people in my personal life, who have dealt with cancer in the past few years. One of them died. She fought for her life valiantly, and she was very good at expressing her emotions, whether anyone thought she was being negative or not.

And I daresay, anyone who could possibly believe that one dies of cancer because of expressing one's true feelings will one day understand the error of their judgment, if they should happen to be diagnosed themselves.

I like this definition of Negative:

Electrical polarity (positive and negative) is present in every electrical circuit. Electrons flow from the negative pole to the positive pole. In a direct current (DC) circuit, one pole is always negative, the other pole is always positive and the electrons flow in one direction only. 

Both are needed for the circuit to be complete, to be whole, to flow.


Those who attain perfect wisdom are forever inspired by the conviction that the infinitely varied forms of this world, in all their relativity, far from being a hindrance and a dangerous distraction to the spiritual path, are really a healing medicine.

Why? Because by the very fact that they are interdependent on each other and therefore have no separate self, they express the mystery and the energy of all-embracing love. Not just the illumined wise ones but every single being in the interconnected world is a dweller in the boundless infinity of love.

-Prajnaparmita
From "Buddha Speaks,"
edited by Anne Bancroft, 2000.

Friday

Plans for Life, not just New Years!

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Thinking about plans for the New Year, I came across something that made me want to plan for life. So, I pulled out some of my artwork to accompany the following.
 

Practiced regularly, Thai meditations are said to lead to enlightenment by overcoming the Ten Fetters, or negative states of mind. . . and to help generate the Ten Virtues, which can be cultivated at every opportunity!

What are the Ten Fetters? The Ten Virtues?  
Find out, become aware and be inspired.





The Ten Fetters




1. Self-illusion - the belief that your ego is real


2. Ignorance - willfully causing negative mental states


3. Sensual craving - craving after objects which taste, smell, sound, feel, or look good


4. Ill-will - anger, hatred, jealousy, bitterness, etc.


5. Skepticism - doubt (especially self-doubt)


6. Restlessness - inability to sit still and concentrate


7. Conceit - self-centeredness


8. Attachment - to religion and rituals


9. Craving for material existence - desiring endless life on earth, or being afraid to die


10. Craving for non-material existence - desiring to die





The Ten Virtues 






1. Generosity


2. Morality


3. Non-attachment


4. Wisdom


5. Energy


6. Patience, tolerance, and forbearance


7. Honesty


8. Determination


9. Loving kindness (metta)


10. Equanimity






Adapted from The Spiritual Healing of Traditional Thailand, 
by C. Pierce Salguero (Findhorn Press, 2006).


info borrowed from 
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/ten-fetters-ten-virtues.html

Photo Friday - A Time for Reflection

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This is where I live and how we celebrate the welcoming in of the New Year. The scenes are taken on Pacific Avenue considered the heart of town for many generations.

The college students, street musicians and strangely dressed people are a common sight in this popular area known as Downtown Santa Cruz. Actually, it looks a lot like this to me on any given day except not quite so many. The only thing missing from this video are the homeless, often seen quietly sitting in a doorway on a sleeping bag and maybe a dog, with a sign propped in front. "Please Help". It is against the law for homeless to approach anyone and verbally ask for help. It's called panhandling. So that is why the signs are used.

Wandering up and down the middle of the street with large groups of people dancing only occur at important events like Halloween and New Years. The streets are cordoned of to prevent traffic and people can enjoy the atmosphere. These events are heavily policed, not to put a damper on the big party, but to help make it a reasonably enjoyable time for everyone. Anyone not behaving respectably, carrying alcoholic beverages on their person or is obviously intoxicated are asked to leave, or arrested.

The most emotional part of any public gathering, whether it is to demonstrate a protest, celebrate an election, hold a vigil for someone, or in this case, welcome in the New Year, we meet at the heart and soul of the town, our most precious, Clock Tower.

You may ask, "Why a clock tower?" What's so important about that? It doesn't even look like a unique piece of architecture or work of art."

I cannot pass by the clock tower any time, day or night, without at least glancing at it. Inevitably a sad swallow comes to my throat and unavoidably teary eyes. I'm sure this is not only my reaction. Anyone who has lived in Santa Cruz a long time surely has the same. Newcomers catch it like a virus. They cannot know the story without it opening their heart. Strangers may be in the crowds, but how can they be surrounded with such charged energy of emotion without feeling the specialness of the place?

The clock tower has been of historical significance since Santa Cruz existed, having first been erected about 1860. It has a checkered history of it's own. But, suffice it to say that the townspeople have cherished it enough to save it many times over the century and a half it has been in existence.

It's not just the history that creates the nostalgia and empathy of the people. It is something the clock did on October 17, 1989. It stopped running, its hands stuck at 5:04 p.m. Some say that with the automatic workings of the clock, that should not have happened. Some say the clock could not help but to stop to mark the occasion.

There was a massive earthquake that day, the epicenter just a couple miles away. Most people outside the area remember the news programs showing views of San Francisco and Oakland. There was no way for news people to take videos here, as all the main roads were damaged and closed. There was no way in and no way out.

Downtown Santa Cruz, the street where the revelers are shown in this video, was covered with debris from the buildings razed by the earthquake.

What the clock tower represents is tragedy overcome by humanity. It represents loss, and recovery. It signifies an act of God, traumatic destruction, and intensely driven human cooperation in rebuilding that which was destroyed.

The clock tower is a beloved symbol. It represents our phoenix raised from the dead, our precious downtown resurrected. It is a sign of our joyous and grateful continuation. That's a good reason to gather there at midnight to celebrate. Don't you think?

I hope you will enjoy watching the video until after the countdown. If so, you will be rewarded with a very good view of the people dancing in the streets including the very happy, naked woman.

Take a good look because that's me!

(only kidding!)






Happy New Year!
 
May your blessings be many and your troubles, few.

Thursday

The War on Cold


The cold war had begun. But the children didn't know what that meant, not really.

They thought the snow was part of it, the ice, the leggings, boots, mittens, mufflers and coats. All were needed to fight the cold war.

On New Years eve they were sent to bed early, too young to stay up that late, unheard of. Their parents the lucky ones, to sing farewell to the old year. They would be having fun, a party with drinks.

Was it the hangovers that started this tradition? Give the parents a break, the children out of the way? Or was it a vestige of the past carried forward with that feeling of nagging necessity that New Years was to be brought in by the little ones.

Elsa's mother wrapped her up, gave her the noisemakers from halloween, clackers and whistles, pot lids from the cupboard, put them all in a sack.

"This is what you do," she said. "to welcome in the New Year, to get rid of all the bad things from last year. Make as much noise as you can. Make a parade. Get some other kids. March up and down the sidewalks, but only up to the corner and back. Then, afterwards we can have cocoa to drink."

Elsa thought perhaps this is part of the cold war, to make it go away.

She felt warm inside as she went to Bobby's house. His mother understood. Elsa and Bobby clanged on the pot lids, heartily yelling, "Happy New Year!" in their little child voices as they marched up the sidewalk to Janet's house.

The parents knew. This is the way it is done. And it will help the headaches from celebrating the night before, time to make the bleary eyed peep out the window go away. A quiet house, the children playing outside. That's what they did when they were little.

More children joined them, "Happy New Year! Happy New Year!" marching up the street all the way to Frankie's house. His mother wouldn't let him come outside.

That was when the children turned around, heading back to their warm houses, their mothers and cocoa. That was when snow crept into the top of Elsa's boots and melted into her socks. Her breath crystalized into her muffler making her nose red.

The sky turned grey. The trees crackled.

Good bye, Tommy.

Happy New Year, Janet and Mary.

See you tomorrow, Dickie. Are you going to have Cocoa, too?

The snow began to fall. Elsa clanged the pot lids together one more time.

She didn't yell anymore. She had done her part to fight the cold war.

Elsa thought of hot cocoa and smiled.





Please respect my copyrighted story and contact me if you wish to use any part of it.
Thank you,
Elizabeth Munroz

(total word count for today: 808)

Tuesday

Dishwasher VS. Hand Wash


I think that the average dishwasher uses too much water and electrical energy. Until everyone has an energy saving dishwasher I'm putting my own energy into washing by hand. But, some say dishwashers sterilize dishes better than hand washing. The reality is that I don't have a dishwasher, so I must add here that I have not been very conscientious about thinking green until recently. One thing I do that sterilizes my dishes just fine... I use vinegar added to water to rinse my dishes.

I probably don't have enough information to determine if hand washing is entirely better than and electric dishwasher. But, in my present circumstances I want to work with what I've got.

I once contacted the author of a website promoting ecologically sound methods of living. I asked about this dish washing issue and his response was pretty judgmental and severe, in my opinion. He was totally against dishwashers, and didn't have much regard for the so called natural product I use to wash with. His comments also included the admonition that I wasn't doing any good if I didn't have pipes going outside into a container so that I could use the grey water for the garden. And, I must do this and that. Yada, yada, yada. It was very discouraging. I began to feel like a planet Earth leech! I didn't bother to write back and tell him I don't water my garden as I have mostly native plants and adaptables growing. I also don't have a traditional lawn with grass that needs weed and feed and mowing.

It's too bad that someone with a wealth of knowledge on the subject thinks only one way. Surely, it would be nice if we could all make a cleaner footprint. But, it is not realistic to think everyone can do it at once. Some must come to it one step at a time. Like me.

Since, I am not always well, I have a supply of paper plates and plastic cutlery. I have become much more judicious in using them. I keep wondering how much it harms the environment, but who to ask? How to determine one factor against another? One paper plate, one plastic fork vs, one regular plate and fork being washed with hot water and rinsed.


Of course, it would take a mathematician to weigh the odds of how many tree resources would be used up against the water, the filtering of it by a water utility company, the heating of the water, the disposal of the water, the filtering in a public waste water utility, the spoilage of water source such a plant would empty into. Since the paper can be recycled if it is clean, or it can return to the soil more naturally (I think) perhaps the paper plate is the better option.

On the other hand, the plastic is probably not a very good option. If recycled it has a saving grace, I suppose. I simply don't have enough information to go on with this. I understand there are paper forks and knifes, but haven't found them. I'd feel better about using them than the plastic.

So, I try to do without dishes and cutlery as much as possible, eating food that is carried in my hand, an apple instead of applesauce, for example. But, then I am faced with another dilemma. What if my food has just enough moistness that it needs to be held by a paper napkin. If I use cloth, then I will need to wash it at some point. What is the cost benefit ratio of washing cloth napkins vs paper napkins. In the long run do the paper napkins waste more ecologically than the cloth napkins?

Sunday

Cat Vs. Foot... No Winner!

I just downloaded a couple hundred pictures from my camera. Most are now deleted, but there are several shots which go in succession, and this the one I chose to post to LOL cats.... You know, those "I can has cheezburger" cats. There must be a million of them floating around in cyberspace.

Though, I've created a few before, this is the one that finally made me laugh, even before I thought to caption it.

It's my kitty, Spyder, whose spontaneous reaction is priceless!

I hope you get a kick out of it, share it with your friends and help to vote it into popularity. Click on the picture to do so.

EW!!!               peepul paws iz gross!!
moar funny pictures

Thursday

Aging Holiday



Another Christmas letter from my parents from before they died:

December 11, 2004
Dear Ones, All,

With the wonderful thanksgiving holiday behind us and the recent giving of thanks, we have been aware about how grateful we are that the Lord has seen fit to keep us together all these years, and to bring us to this new place we now reside. We have moved twice in the last year and finally settled in at our New Address, which is nearby to one of our granddaughters. We are fortunate that some of our great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren also live nearby.

Due to a “no pets” policy, our two Abyssinian cats have moved up north to live with our eldest daughter. We miss our furry family members, but they have taken up writing to us regularly to keep us informed. We enjoy their stories, and antics. What talented felines!


It certainly has been a year of changes and challenges as well as Blessings. Between moves this year, the youngest member of the family arrived, a boy, Alexander, born to our great grandson, Justin. Our grandson, Xavier, got married to Trisha and we celebrated 67 years of marriage. Due to continued changes in our health, our most recent move is to a full care facility, which we are still trying to get used to, has turned out to be a blessing in that we have very loving care.

Moving brought up all the memories of our past connections with family and friends as we came across letters and cards that we have saved over the years. We truly enjoy going over those old memories, and often think of all who have touched our lives. Let's not lose contact, and make new memories in sharing our lives by letter or phone call.

We hope and pray, as winter begins to welcome the Christmas season, that all is well with you and yours. We hope to hear from you soon.

God Bless You,      
 
Jim and Gennie

Wednesday

Christmas Past


I've come to the obvious conclusion that I am not in the Christmas spirit. I have a list of reasons why, which I will not bother to go into here. I decided the best thing to do, would be to find something in my own life that will trigger a spark. And I've found it. Both my parents have left this world but they have also left a wonderful legacy for all my family. Counting my parents, that is 5 generations, 32 living descendants, and many step grandchildren, great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren whom my parents loved).

To gain some perspective and change my "Bah, Humbug" attitude, I went through my files and found a letter, one of those annual letters that everyone sends in their Christmas cards, that was written by my parents in 2001.

December 10, 2001

Dear Ones All,

Warmest greetings and, good wishes to you and yours. Memories of holidays past are being woven into new gladness of the season today. We may not be able to communicate with you every day because of the distance that separates us, or maybe just the everyday busy-ness of life gets in the way. But, this makes no difference. Our thoughts and wishes are with you just the same. We are thinking of you today and want you to know that we think of you often and wish we could communicate more regularly.

This has been a year of many blessings. Jim has spent the year recuperating from his hip replacement surgery. He manages to be active and gets about well with the use of a cane. Our kids chipped in to buy an "Amigo Scooter" which Jim uses to ride over to local stores for running errands. Jim has been participating in a musical performance group called the Rhythm Review Band. Jim also sings in a choral group, which performs mostly for disabled or senior groups including our own apartment complex monthly meeting.

We were blessed with a new baby Great-granddaughter in April. She is Varsha's baby, and grandchild to our daughter, Suzan. Our son, David was out to visit us from New York, with his wife, Sharon, during September and stayed at our son, Roger’s house. Elizabeth, whose health is doing well, came down from Santa Cruz to visit at the same time. It was a blessing to have all our kids together with us, especially since the occurrences of 9/11 happened during the visit. They were quite a comfort to us and it was good to know our kids were all safe and well.

In August, we moved to a smaller apt in the same Senior complex building where we were last year, a mile from our son, Roger's home. We are still getting organized, settled in, and adjusted with our more cozy surroundings. Gen and our daughter, Suzan, went shopping and found good furnishings to make our new home more comfortable. Gennie has been healing from her stroke last fall. She has faced many challenges focusing on her recovery, improving her well-being, and working with trying to become more physically active. We have had various household helpers throughout the year to assist in Gennie's home care. Presently our step-grand daughter, Angela  is staying with us. As befits her name, she truly is an angel in disguise, and we consider ourselves blessed to have her with us. Due to the condition of Gennie's health, she prefers to spend her afternoons at home enjoying her quiet. It is still difficult for Gennie to get around due to the lost of her sight and ability to walk well, and it can sometimes be lonesome for her. So, please give her a call, (xxx)-xxx-xxxx or send a letter or card letting us know how you are as often as you can. Angela or Jim can read them to Gennie. It would be so nice to hear from you.


Our Christmas wishes for you:
(written by our daughter, Elizabeth)

May every good and perfect gift be yours this Christmas.

May your holidays be bright with surprise and delight.

May there be a perfect blending of all the good things this time of year brings.

May the wonderful blessings and warmth of the Christmas season fill your life and home with bliss.

May you experience bright and beautiful moments to remember with special gladness.

May your heart be filled with love and hope throughout the coming New Year.

May god's gift of love, the glory of Christ's birth, be your most treasured gift.

Peace be with you today, tomorrow and always.

God Bless You,
                                                                                       Jim and Gennie Deane

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Phillians 4:7

Tuesday

HAVE A HOLLY DOLLY CHRISTMAS!!!



Have you ever wanted a doll for Christmas? 
A boy doll? A girl doll? A grown up doll? 
Doesn't matter?


How bad did you want it? Not at all? A little? A lot? 
What would you have done to have that doll? 
Be a good little girl? or Boy? 

What if you weren't entirely a good girl or boy? 
Would you still get the doll?


Alma - Teaser from Rodrigo Blaas on Vimeo.

Heh! Heh! Heh!

Monday

End of Racism and Women's Self Esteem

On Oprah today, she had guests Jay Z and Barbra Streisand.

It's interesting to me, how Jay z is an incredibly popular performer at 39 years old and quite the millionaire. We've come a long way in our culture. At my age, I remember Barbra Streisand as being the rising star and becoming the millionaire.

It's not like I haven't been exposed to rap. My son, in the 80's listened to it. Let me see now if I remember... M. C. Hammer something. Yes, I liked the beat and message.

Oprah and Jay Z discussed how rap seems to have done a great deal to help end racism. Not that it has ended, in my opinion, but we are on the way. I hope.

I recall when Rock n Roll came out, there were problems with some of the parents of my friends refusing to let their kids listen to it because of "where it came from". They meant that it derived from African-American culture. Back in those days the respectful word was "colored". I always thought of my crayola crayons at the time. Being from the city of Niagara Falls, I was raised, taught in school that not only there was no more slavery, but that there was no more racism. I was brought up by what was at the time, liberal parents, who had friends from the other side of town, but we never visited each other. I didn't think anything about it until seventh grade when Margaret, the only black girl in my class, invited everyone to her birthday party. I guess her family were hoping there wasn't any racism, too. I was the only white girl who showed up at the party. My parents were both at work and Mom, knowing I had a friend's party to attend, called a taxi to take me there. It never even occurred to me to mention Margaret's color. When the taxi driver and I arrived, he wouldn't let me out of the car because of the people who were standing on the porch to greet me. The owner of the taxi company knew my parents and told him to let me out. That was my first introduction to racism.

We've come a long way, but not far enough.

I liked seeing Jay Z's office, which he called his inner sanctum. Funny, that he said he never lets anyone in there, but here were the Oprah show cameras, and all of America, looking around his office. I reall liked what he said about inspiration and it makes me want to adopt similar. He has surrounded himself with art photos of people who inspire him. People who have succeeded in life, many of whom I admire tremendously.

I think I may have some others on my wall. Some famous authors, maybe. Some famous women, who can remind me a woman can do anything she wants. Eleanor Roosevelt, Mother Theresa, Queen Latifa, Hilary Clinton, Indira Ghandi, Whoopie Goldberg are a few who inspire me, and Oprah, too.

It was so much fun watching Jay Z teach Oprah how to Rap.

One thing Oprah and Barbra Striesand talked about was being able to accept the praise, adoration, popularity. Barbra said she couldn't accept it at first, until she was able to accept herself. I don't know how that is done. I think I have accepted myself all these years, but I have a hard time accepting compliments from people. Even just acknowledgements of something I have completed on behalf of others. In therapy session recently my counselor said how young I looked for my age. (Now, doesn't everyone say that to older women?) It's not that I do not believe the sincerity of my counselor. It's that I find it hard to accept that they don't know the real me. They don't know all my faults. It doesn't matter if it is about my appearance or if it is something I have accomplished. Maybe I'm a bit of a perfectionist, like Barbra Streisand. To me, I don't look good enough. I don't feel I'm put together like others, or take care of myself, or care about my outer appearance, because I don't. I don't wear make up, don't get my hair done. I even cut my own. Do nothing to make myself look better. Just too much trouble for me. It's the same when helping other people. I don't feel like I do enough. I help cancer patients. Just because I do it, to me, is not enough. I fall beneath my goals of helping. So, when something thanks me, or praises me for what I've done. Again, I'm sure that is the honest feeling of others and I don't dismiss their praise which I think is like calling someone a liar. I do thank people for their kind words. And it is a kindness to me. But, I have a hard time giving myself credit. I've never been one to take a bow. (I used to perform.) It all seems normal, or less than normal. I really must work on this, I suppose.

Well, I've gotten off the subject of Barbra Streisand and Oprah. Haven't I?

Barbra performed, and her voice sounded just as beautiful as ever. She was promoting her new album, "Love is the Answer". I went to Amazon to take a look. It has two discs. As with many Amazon music choices, I could listen to some excerpts. Yes, her voice is still fantastic. Wish I had some money to buy it. Even downloading the MP3 version is more than I can afford.

I noticed when I Googled "Barbra Streisand"  +"Love is the Answer" the first choice that came up was several of her songs that you can listen to for free on LaLa.com, so if you're like me and working with a shortage of cash, you can still enjoy.